Can I be your Doula?

Birth 4

I believe my eyes zoom-in to all pregnant women now. They are not safe from a question that has recently been added to my repertoire, “I am studying to be a midwife, can I be your Doula?" LOL. Yes, it sounds crazy but I have gotten two births that way.

This day a pregnant woman came into the juice bar and as always I lighted up. "Aww, how many months are you?” I asked. I honestly can't remember the answer now but long story short I asked about her birth plan and if she considered having a doula. I encouraged her to look up the role of a doula and contact me if she was interested.

Some time passed, then I received a text “Hey Jaleesa… we talked about you being my doula… I thought you and I could meet up and get to know each other better”. That morning I was a bit tired, but once I received that text, I literally jumped out of bed. I was extremely excited. I thought of the question “what gets you up in the morning?” and realized that I am beginning to see more and more that I do enjoy working with women at this stage in their life.

So we met up for lunch, which was a “Doula interview” and decided we were a good match for each other. I spend a lot of time getting to know this birthing mother. Twice I went over to her house for dinner with her family, I accompanied her to a prenatal visit and I went with them on their hospital tour. The soon-to-be parents were already taking childbirth education classes and her prenatal visits were informative, therefore, most of my work would take place during the labor process.

I learned so much from this birth but here are two main points. I realized that I am a Father is the doula type of doula and I learned how to walk a mother through her contractions.

Father the Doula: “Dudela”: One of the things the father and I discussed was my desire to see fathers as primary support for the laboring mother. This father took that role to heart and was very supportive. I realized that I was able to come in to give him tips and encouragement to help assist him in assisting his wife. I believe we had a great working relationship.

How to walk a mother through her contractions: As I mentioned in the previous post, I learned that I was not a fan of the word “Relax” during labor. This time around I prayed and God gave wisdom. After the mother finished her contractions I asked: “did you notice any place that was tense?” She said yes and explained where she was consistently tensing. Between contractions, we practiced tensing and releasing the tension in those places. While having a contraction, I started to remind her that she had conscious (not subconscious) control over the way her body responds to pain. Seeing her relax her shoulders and hands and go through each contraction although painful, it was without suffering.

God uses the word “choose” to denote his desire for us to make a conscious choice in any matter; he has not taken away our free will. In presenting to the mother her ability to exercise control over her body’s response to pain, the fear-tension-pain cycle that sometimes develops during labor did not occur. Thus, God fulfilled his promise to me “if any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” {James 1:5}